So many of us are doing things backwards and I have been one of them. That’s right. I am raising my hand first to let you know that I have done things backwards – in my relationships, with my finances, and other areas of my life. Now what I am about to share might be controversial and you may even dislike some of the things that I am going to talk to you about today. That’s ok; I am still going to tell you the truth.
The other day, I was talking to one of my good friends and I shared with her that I have been holding back on me – not purposely but I have been holding back on me. In my profession, it’s not about me, my opinions, my feelings, etc. I have a podcast and this blog so that I can share with you – my new best friend, the real me. You get the real, unedited, honest, and authentic me. So, I have decided that I am going to tell you the truth.
Buying Clothes
Ladies, we buy clothes or keep clothes that we have to lose weight in order to wear. This is backwards and a form of self punishment. You are basically telling yourself you suck and you want to make sure you feel bad about yourself until you can wear the clothes (if you actually get there). I have a friend who still has clothes from high school. She knows that she is not going to get back down to that size. Sure she can lose weight and get in the best shape of her life, but to be that size 15 years and multiple babies later is not realistic for her. Plus, let’s be honest, those clothes are probably not the style you would walk around in today anyways.
Now, if you are working out and doing ‘the thing” consistently and you want to buy a pair of jeans or a dress that is a goal for you, then do it IF that will inspire you. This method does not work for every woman but if you are say to yourself something liek – “Brittany, I got the jeans hanging up, I see them every day as I put on my workout clothes, they remind me of my goals, and I know that I am on my way to wearing those bad boys…” then go for it! I am cheering you on! This is a positive mindset. This is also not most of us.
If you have not listened to my podcast on dressing for you, I highly encourage you to do so. I talk about how to dress for your body and what you want to manifest in you and through you. Everything you wear, should make you feel the way you desire to feel that day whether it be sexy, confident, or comfy. Being mean to yourself about how your body looks or feels is not going to make those clothes fit; it often creates a shame cycle that goes to work making sure you do not take the steps to fit in the clothes anyways. So, don’t do it. Stop it.
Expressing Expectations
This is a big one! Have you ever experienced disappointment from an unmet expectation that you had of either someone, something, or even yourself? Welp, you are not alone. My hand is raised high on this one. And most of the time this happens, because your expectations were not expressed. If you have expectations that you have not communicated, you are setting yourself up for that feeling of disappointment and potentially even deeper negative emotions like hurt, betrayal, or anger.
The truth is friend, there is not a single person on this planet that can read your mind. Even though you might “feel” they should know. You must communicate your expectations if you want them met. This also gives the people around you an opportunity to show up for you in the way that you need them to. When the people you love show up for you, you not only avoid massive disappointment, you also get to feel loved by them.
Charming Before Character
This one is specifically for my single ladies. Many women meet a guy and start dreaming up their future together before getting to know his character. This is backwards! And friend, I did this! I find myself in a little bit of a hypocritical position because I knew I was going to marry my now husband within 72 hours of meeting him. To give myself a little bit of credit, we asked each other deep questions to get to know each other’s character within those 72 hours. We knew each other’s intentions, values, dreams, and much more. Now, we didn’t get married in those 72 hours but I knew that if this man continued to show me he lived out what he said, he was the one. For more about our story and how we both got to the place where we knew we were marrying each other, check out our finding and keeping love episode.
I cannot tell you how many women I have sat across from who were just devastated that a relationship did not work out. Women have a tendency to get into a relationship and start to fantasize and build up who this man is before even getting to know his character. Friend, know what you want in a man, dream of him, write about who he is and then let him check those boxes or write himself off. This will save you a lot of heartache; now I am not saying this will prevent disappointment or frustration but it will save you a lot of heartbreak and time.
Identity by Mistake
This is a big one for me. We create identities based on a mistake – loser, failure, cheater, loner, etc. You made a mistake or even mistakes and we give ourselves these big labels that we swirl around in our minds and soon those labels become part of who we see ourselves as. This also sets us up to repeat the pattern that created the label to begin with. Friend, to stop repeating the pattern, you have to remove the label. So you screwed up; you maybe even failed. So what?!
Failure only has the weight that YOU give it. Without failing, there are never lessons. Failure doesn’t have to be this big thing unless you create an identity or a label that this is who you are. And if we are merely the culmination of a mistake or mistakes, if that is the thing that defines us, we are missing it. We are complex beings as humans; there is so much more to us than the thing that we did. KNOCK IT OFF! Friend, this is robbing you of joy and full life and preventing you from seeing yourself with clear eyes. You are so much more, friend!
More from this Episode
This was just 4 of the 11 ways you may be doing things backwards in your life. Press play for the full episode.
Many people, myself included, have done several things in life backwards. Don’t forget that it is never too late to change the way you do things. You can do this! You now have the awareness that something may be backwards and you have the knowledge of how to shift them. And my best friend, I know she has a desire to get those things moving forward so she can live her best life and feel her best self. As you listen and reflect on this episode, ask yourself these questions.
- What are you doing backwards that you know you need to stop?
- What expectations have you had that have gone unexpressed?
- Are there ways that you are doing your finances backwards? If so, what shift are you going to make right now?
- If you’ve been labeling yourself based on a mistake, what label do you need to give yourself instead? What label do you need to release and what label do you need to give yourself instead?
